You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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