i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My vagina is very pro this idea
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