its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize