I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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