and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
