Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
