If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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