my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
