I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
