cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
