then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
