he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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