Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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