Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
