lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
