Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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