i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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