the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
