If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
