Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
