trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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