I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
