If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
