Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
