Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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