i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I could fuck to npr.
I need to calm my uterus...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
