Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
