You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
