I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
