i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
