I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
