So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
