the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
