i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
