when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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