Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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