i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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