kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
