i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
