Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
