Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
