i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
