I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
