Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I smell like Dick and happiness
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
