Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
