I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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