Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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