I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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