Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
