i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
