I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
