Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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