it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
