you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
