Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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