there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
