There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
