I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
