Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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