We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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