"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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