my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
