imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
