haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
