i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
