I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
