he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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