i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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