sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize