You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
